Dammit.
Seeing pictures of self harm isn’t helping with my promise.
But I do not plan on breaking that promise tonight.
Even if things have seemed weird between us lately and things have changed with us.
So, I haven’t hurt myself since promising him that I wouldn’t.
Yea, I have had slight urges a few times, but luckily, nothing too bad.
He told me to promise that I would never cut myself again. Told me to call him, no matter the time, if I felt the urge to do it.
I don’t think I will be able to do that, but I am doing my best to keep my promise.
I am so fucking tired of this.
Fucking tired of being like this.
I am so fucking tired of not being able to just enjoy a day to myself without my fucking depression getting in the way.
My mind just won’t leave me alone for a day. No. All of my problems just begin popping into my head. All the things to stress out about. Things to worry about or be sad about.
Hell, my depression doesn’t even need those to make me feel bad.
I hate feeling bad for no fucking reason. I just get moody and sad and tired and I am so fucking sick of it.
Reblogged from my-thoughts-all-layed-out
that moment before the first cut of the night where your brain suddenly goes, “stop!, why are you doing this to your body?” and in that split second a war wages between your disorder and your common sense. the disorder wins, every single time.
I am graduating high school in a month.
I have so many mixed feelings.
I am happy and excited to be moving on from high school.
I am terrified and nervous because I don’t know what the hell is going to happen.
And I am sad and nostalgic. These four years really did go by fast. And despite all the crap and depression I have dealt with, I will miss all the good moments. I will miss spending time with my awesome friends during lunch, just being silly. I could almost always count on them for a laugh. I still can.
It just won’t be the same.
